His Diary about the death of Pope John Peel (sic) II includes this gem:
WE MUST ENSURE THAT THE LIKES OF THIS NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN. THE BATTLE AGAINST DEATH IS THE MOST IMPORTANT CHALLENGE FACING LOVERS OF FREEDOM AND DEMOCRACY. WE MUST NOW TAKE IT FROM THE STREETS OF FALLJAH AND BAGHDAD TO THE STREETS OF ROME, WHERE EVIL ITALIAN TERRORISTS RIDING BATTLE MOPEDS SPREAD CANCER AND HEART FAILURE AMONGST POPES. I SAY TO THEM: BRING IT ON!
HE WILL BURIED, ONLY TO BE RESSURECTED AGAIN AT EASTER TO GIVE HIS NOW TRADITIONAL INCOMPREHENSIBLE EASTER MESSAGE OF BARKING NOISES AND DRIBBLING FROM THE VATICAN BALCONY.
In his Diary, MY MATE ASIF, he tells the story of a young Pakistani man's transformation from star-struck youth who would follow in the footsteps of Freddie Mercury to suicide bomber taking a busload of civilians down with him. In another diary, he tells a dying friend he's going to hell:
HIS LIFE WAS A CATOLOGUE OF SLOTH, THAT MOST COMMON OF SINS. NO MATTER THE PASSION OF HIS FEELING, THE SOUNDNESS OF ITS LOGIC: HE NEVER ACTED.
THERE IS SUCH A THING AS HELL. IT IS WHERE THE GUILT OF YOUR INACTION IS MADE REAL, AND YOU CAN'T LOOK AWAY.
Like b3ta, Monty Python and of course Benny Hill, CAPS LOCK reminds us that the best comic minds come from the UK.