...I've been removed from all the 'Obama iz a seekrit Muslim' mass e-mail lists of relatives and colleagues
...I don't have to fly this Thanksgiving weekend and endure 'gate rape' of myself, my wife and my daughter
...my daughter is so cute and funny
...my dog is both affectionate and ridiculous
...my wife is beautiful, supportive, and funny
...the people I spend the majority of my time with at work are cool
...I seem to have managed to change my running form so I can run w/ less pain
...BloomingLabs continues to be a source of fun and mental stimulation, and I've met cool people there
...I don't live in or commute to Indianapolis
...I have a life where my shitty PowerPoint skillz aren't a problem
...I've given up any pretense of knowing anythin about sports. This gets me out of a lot of really tedious conversations
...I left the 'dream team' cafeteria McLaughlin group to hash things out themselves, and go running at lunch instead
...my daughter abruptly left the 'princess phase' when she turned 7
...my daughter has awesome Mario Kart skillz
...my wife would never contemplate making a pumple cake or a turducken, except as a joke
...that 'Delocated' show
...I am 90% of the way to not using the word 'issue' instead of 'problem', god I hate when people do that
...that for that brief window in time Mountain Dew Throwback was available to tickle my innards, although 'tickle yore innards' is funnier, but there's not really a funny mispelling of 'my'
...I have more books than I'll ever be able to read
...I have more music than I'll ever be able to listen to
...I internalized Fugazi's 'you are not what you own' message, so I don't have to listen to Fugazi anymore because their mission was accomplished
...my 'douchedar' seems to work pretty well
...Tom Scharpling came back from his hiatus
...Tom Scharpling has retired 'Do It!' as a show opener
...Superchunk released a really great album this year (not grateful they didn't make it here on their tour)
...I live in a country where I'm free to choose which burrito place I go to for lunch
...I won't see commercials on TV featuring smarmy white douchebags wanting me to vote for them for at least a year
...I got a $26 check as my '5 years of service' award
...I managed to put together this list without every item being '...I don't'
...'Comedy Death Ray' will continue to produce new episodes for the forseeable future
...I can stay up as late as I want, because I am a grown-ass man
...even though I can eat whatever I want because I'm a grown-ass man, but have the sense to not eat crap food all the time because I'm a grown-ass man, I still say fuck it and eat chicken wings sometimes because dammit they are delicious
...I live in a universe where people can get book deals based on Tweets
...none of our favorite 80s and 90s celebrities will ever have to get real jobs thanks to reality television and VH-1's 'Wasn't that Awesome?' shows.
...I am mostly resisting the new trend of ending every snippet of e-communication with an exclamation point!
...we don't have flying cars, because after you flew the car once or twice, you'd probably get over the novelty and just leave it in your garage from then on.
...Eddie Pepitone exists (and has a Twitter account)
...etc
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